The Life of a Teenage Drama Queen

         A person should be able to tell when it is time to let go. It's simple, just let it go. Jump over that obstacle that keeps you back, and go on to be the person you need to be in order to live the life you should be living. There comes a time when you know you have to let it go. You can not simply go on throughout your life attached to something that you knew was never going to last forever. Especially when that something is someone who always shot you down and tried to prevent you from becoming the most successful you could be. There comes a time when you have to be the stronger person and say goodbye, even when you think it may be the worst decision of your entire life. But in reality, you can not live your life being pulled back from all the accomplishments that you could be making. Life is simple, that is, when the decisions you make are for you and not for anyone else.
          There comes a time where goodbye can be so lifting and could make you feel forever thankful that you actually did it instead of putting it off. However, if you make the decision to leave, do not go back. Stand your ground because you'll be thankful that you did in the future. Don't "talk it out" or "feel bad" because it was for your own good and no one should be able to make you feel bad for doing something that would potentially better your health. Don't become angry afterwards either, even if you find out information regarding that certain someone. Just move on and be happy that you no longer have them in your life. Just say goodbye and move on.
        The day that I said goodbye was awful. However, I stood my ground until I saw you alone. I broke down and went back, and boy was I wrong for doing that. The point in which I should've moved on was spent on trying to get you back, as well as crying even more because I had broken my own heart trying to leave. It became so unbearable that I decided to give it one more try, even with uncertainty that it would ever work. I knew it wouldn't work and that's why I left again, but this time was worse considering how you were acting towards me. Trying to make me feel bad for leaving the first time, and then not caring when I came back. Then leaving a few weeks later, leaving me to find out everything you had done while we were together.
         So, this is me officially moving on. I'm saying goodbye and closing your chapter in my life. I wish you nothing but the best, even when you have left me broken and angry. I hope you find everything in your life that you are looking for. There comes a time in our lives that we must make the decision to say goodbye. This is my time.

      Well, this has been a long time coming. I never knew that you would mean so much to me when you stumbled into my life. This time last year, we tried. We smiled, we laughed, we loved. We fought, we argued, we lost each other. Back then, I was so confused. I didn't know what I wanted. My priorities were not set on what they should've been, and that caused the worst possible outcome. I cried so much. I loved you, and you left. But I know you left because you knew that it wasn't right at the time. We weren't people that should've been together. We were too different. But, we grew. We grew up into the people we are today. We grew into the people that are meant to be together.
       I believe that people change. I know I've changed for the better, and I am so happy about that. However, in the year that you were gone, I built a wall around my heart that would block anyone out. It could withstand 300 pounds of dynamite and still be perfectly fine. I was so unhappy being with other people because I had forgotten how to be happy. I had forgotten what it felt like to be happy with someone else because I was so busy blaming you for leaving me when I was so fragile. It is a pain that I never want to feel again.
        But, you always seemed to be around me. Through the winter, you were always around me somehow. I always seemed to be in your presence. I believe that we were put together so much because we were supposed to end up together. I didn't think that I would ever be yours again. I had spent so much time pretending to hate you and making sure no one caught me looking at you that I had completely pushed back every feeling I had towards you. I made sure you were the enemy. But, I let you back in. I let you invade my life, but now I know it was for the better.
       However, with all the wreckage in the past, I'm not the same person I was a year ago. I'm not happy and bubbly, I'm more dark and cloudy. This is because I spent so much time trying to love someone else, when I didn't look right in front of me. And now, I find it so hard to let the barrier down to let me love back all the time. I let you come back in, even after everyone told me not to. I took the chance and now I can't even explain how much happiness you have brought into my life. I'm a difficult person, and I know how difficult I can be. I don't like being touched, I don't like being looked at. Anxiety can literally kill a person inside, no matter what another can say.
        This scares me so much, because I know once I let my guard down, I will be so vulnerable. Vulnerable to every fight, every argument, every piece of my heart that will break while we yell. I'm so afraid that once I let down the wall, I will be left, yet again. Except this time, you will break every little piece that you picked up. Like a broken glass on concrete. It's crazy how one person can make another feel this way. I fall in love with you a little more every single day. I cry for you, I miss you, I love you. I love you for you. The smile you give me and the laughs we share. Sometimes I really wanna strangle you, and I know that you'd love to strangle me sometimes. But, I want you to stay. I don't want you to leave. Stay for me, choose me, love me. Be there when I'm sad, hold my hand when I'm scared, have my back when no one else will. It's like you're a disease and I'm infected by it. I can't think about anything or anyone else, because it's you. I love you all the time. Every minute of the day. I love you. I'm ready to love back, to let the wall down. Full vulnerability.

Dear You,

        You know exactly who you are, so I'm sure I won't have to spell it out. First of all, congratulations. You won, and I lost. But that's the point of the game. There has to be a winner and a loser. There is no overtime or extra innings. He chose you, not me. It is about time that you start getting that in your head. Look, you're the one that gets to hold his hand. The one who tries to make him laugh when he's upset. The one that gets to look at his beautiful face every single day. You have definitely gotten farther in a few months that what I did in a year. You  know this, so I ask, why must you be so mean? You sit only two people away from where I am and decide to talk about me. You decide to tell the others how much of a crazy person I am for loving him. However, the story is different. Your story criticizes me, but if they knew the truth about how you played me in your hands to get him. It's honestly not fair. I always thought that cheaters never win? Not the situation here.
           However, I wrote this asking you to please be more considerate of me. I know you dislike me, for reasons known I suppose. It's okay for you to dislike me, but to sit there and talk about that in front of people who I see everyday is not okay. I'm not okay, and I am a tough person when it comes to things like being talked about. I don't hate you, and I would treat you like any other person if you showed me the same gratitude. I honestly don't want to have to listen to you talk about him. I know that you're just doing that to try and make me know that he's yours. I know that you want me to break. Well, congratulations. You did it. You broke me. You win. You win everything. You have everything and more that I wish I could have.

             It's funny, to think that a year ago at this very point in time, you wanted me. It's funny how much a year can change a person. It's hard to look at someone else thriving with positivity, and look at your life and cry because of the way it has turned out. Honestly, it is unfair. It is because of these events that have made me look back and see what I have destroyed. What I have lost. What could've been. Anxiety seems to be my best friend lately. It's hard to get rid of something that will always be there. It seems that the only thing I have to work towards is school and just getting through. Honestly, giving up all these things can destroy a confidence level. A confidence level that has never been there. Well, its a level that has been nonexistent for awhile. A break from life is something that I need. I break from the world. A break from society. A break from everything, so that I can focus on just me and where I'm going. Happiness is what I strive for, because it has been absent for so long. Happiness is what I'm searching for. However, the hunt has been difficult. Looking around, there is so much happiness. But for me, I'm the one standing alone in the corner while everyone else is living their lives. This is the today where everything is erased and everything is new. No memories. No loss. No hurt. No heartbreak. No happiness until now.

             Well, have I got a story for you. You know that boy, the one that you've been in love with since the fourth grade? He made you happy. Really happy. You were so happy with him, and you literally messed it all up. Honestly, if I were still you today, I would've went back and stopped that fight that night and went back. But anyway, all that happiness sure did fade away. It was because of the future you that created all this unhappiness. While you were on cloud 9, I was pretty much planning a future without him. A future for you to be alone and sad all the time. Having him as your "therapist" and friend instead of your best friend and love.
               I could tell you all the mistakes that you're gonna make because it would save you the pain. You may think that you will last forever, but you won't. Soon enough, you will be the depression ridden, lonely one crying behind a computer screen because you have no one else to turn to. You'll be the one watching him be happy, practically married to the love of his life. You'll be the one rejected and mocked. You'll be the one who's unhappy with every life decision that she's ever made. And you'll still have to get up, go to school, and see him on a daily basis.
                You'll sit there in the quietness of class, and wonder what it could've been like, had something not happened. You'll sit at the baseball games and watch her cheer for him, and think about how it was after the games. How nice it was to see him after the game and be there when he put himself down. You'll have to sit there and look at the promise ring that he has already given her, when you never got one. You will be the mistake and she will be the one.
              You'll have to just be the "ex" instead of the future. You'll have to cry alone, without being able to tell anyone. You'll miss him so badly that every bone in your body will ache. You'll be told that he'll come back for you, but in reality you know he won't. You'll have nights where all you want to do is tell him how bad your day was, but you can't because he won't care. You'll listen to your song on repeat for days until you have to stop. You'll have the memory of his existence in your mind forever. You'll have to face the fact that he chose her and not you and that he's happy.
              So, you've had a few bad years. Pure happiness, followed by heartbreak, followed by misery. Just be with him and be happy before it all goes to hell and you're left with nothing. If I could go back, I'd make it easier for you. But I can't. You're gonna change. You're gonna be hurt. And you're gonna hate everything. Just be happy before it all happens.

Dear You,

Dear You,

             There has not been a day go by that I haven't thought about you. Your smile, your laugh, your personality. Maybe I can't say I'm in love with you, but maybe love is something that comes next. We've both been in love with different people, but they were the wrong people. You talk to me as if you've known me forever, when in reality, we've only been around each other for the past six months. I want to ask you about us so badly, but I do not want to hear a negative answer. Perhaps that is why I haven't made any further advances. This is the one thing that I want, to talk to you everyday. I look forward to talking to you everyday. I want you. But, I want you to want me too.

           It's a scary world out there. Far more scary than most people think it is. With the way my life has been here lately, you'd think it was a tragic sight. Cancer. Cancer is one of the scariest words a person can hear within their life. After visiting the dermatologist lately, I have discovered that a piece of melanoma has come back after 3 years. It may not be the worst of cancer, but at a young age, it can be scary. It makes a person wonder how many times it will come back. Will it be gone forever? Will I have to have more surgeries than what I already have? I honestly don't know. All I know is that I'm waiting for the test results to come back, hopefully negative.

              Ever since I was little, I have always wanted to work in the arts, such as performing and drama. After years of dreaming of going to New York City and pursuing a Broadway career, I have started having second thoughts about it. I've always thought that it was my calling to always be in the music department. But, maybe that isn't entirely true. I've been looking into Pediatrics and Neonatal specialties within the medical field. My mother has always warned me to steer away from the medical field, but I'm just having thoughts about it.
               Maybe I might be better as a pediatric surgeon. I've always enjoyed children and being around children. Wouldn't it feel great to help and save their lives? But, there is the chance of them not making it as well. That's life. Maybe I could be good at it. Arts or Medicine? I'm not so sure. I know that my mother would probably flip if she knew I was slowly changing my mind. Perhaps its just the fact that I want to please her, simply because my brother has ambitions of being a orthopedic surgeon. Maybe I'm just trying to impress her as much as he has. Since I'm the oldest, perhaps I should be thinking of practical professions instead of being the music gooroo that I've always been.

                     I know that we probably are not on good terms right now, and we probably never will be and that is perfectly fine with me. However, I don't hate you. I don't dislike you either. I don't know how you feel about me, but you're a nice person in my opinion. I know that there were some hard feelings in the beginning of your relationship with him, but just know that I am perfectly fine with the way your relationship is going. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to be in your place, but I know that I can't be because its you. You're the one he chose to be with.
                    I want to tell you that you are absolutely gorgeous. You're definitely much prettier than me and I know that he lets you know that you are beautiful everyday. I saw you today. Even in sweats, you're pretty. It's really not fair, and I am definitely jealous. I hope you are doing well, and I hope that he gave you everything he could for Christmas. He was always a good gift-giver when we were together. You seem happy, but you also seem consumed by something else and I can't quite tell what it is. However, it is none of my business on what you do in your spare time.
                   I want to let you know that I am definitely jealous of you, but I am in no way planning on getting in the way of your relationship. You've worked hard to be with him and I will not be that person who gets in your way. He isn't mine anymore. I am not intimidated by you, and you don't scare me in any way. You don't make me feel awkward when I'm around you. Although it seems as though you try to make me feel intimidated, I am not. And perhaps I am inferring incorrectly, but it is just from observations I have made.
                    I think you are great for him, and you two make a fantastic couple. However, I like you, but I love him. I would be the first to tell him if I thought you were a bad egg. But so far, you have proven me right by being a fantastic other half for him. He really is a great guy and he will take care of you for as long as you let him. His family is a very nice family and they will treat you just like their own as long as you don't hurt him. Take it from someone who knows. I've been down that road, but they still speak to me with great support and love. They've never made me feel unwanted, even now that I am no longer a part of the family. Just know that you are very lucky to have ended up with a guy as great as him.
                      I'm happy for you two and I want you to know that I would never try to get in the way of your love story. You've been through a lot and you definitely deserve to be happy. You deserve happiness to the fullest extent. He will make you happy, and it seems like he already has. You take care of him, and he will always return the favor. He loves you, I can see it. He looks at you the same way he used to look at me. It's a good sign. I'm envious of your happiness, but I'll find it again one day. Don't worry, he's safe. He's with you now. Live life to the fullest girlfriend, because you two are perfect together. You really are a great match for him, honest.

Wishing everyone a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! I hope that your holidays are much better than what mine are at the moment. :)

I've never known what it was like to actually not have you there with me during the day. It's crazy to know that while I'm at school, you're at home working on your homeschooling. I have often wondered if I should just move away, hoping that I could somehow gain some friends at another school. But, switching to a brand new school where I know absolutely no one will not solve my problem.
Yes, I've made some friends at a different school, but that doesn't help my problem in being alone all the time. They're all 30 minutes away from me everyday, and that still leaves me with no one. I don't understand why you had to switch out of public schooling. Was it really that bad? It certainly has taken a toll on me here lately.
I've wanted to tell you everything about my days, my nights filled with homework, and my crazy love life which changes constantly. But, you're not here to listen to any of it. I know that you're just a text away, but it just isn't the same.
I've wanted to tell you about a guy I've been talking to, and how he's changed my life drastically. I've also wanted to tell you about how crazy I've been driven by the guy who just can't see to leave me alone. Everything I've wanted to say, but you're not here.
There are so many things I could tell you, like the time I completely embarrassed myself by crying in front of my ex-boyfriend. That was a mess. Oh, its just crazy how much I miss you. It really isn't the same without you there. It's been a year already without you by my side everyday. It just makes me wonder how much longer I'll stick around to endure this type of loneliness.

Here is 10 tips to all incoming freshmen.

Sometimes, it takes more than one time to figure out who a person is. And sometimes, it takes more than one chance to figure out that you're the one making the mistakes. It's hard to find out who you are when you keep going back time after time, but soon enough, you realize just how much better you are without going back. To keep yourself happy, you have to be destroyed a few times.
~StoryBubbles

It's been a while. During this time, I have had many different experiences when it comes to life. Making a decision takes a lot of courage, especially when it is a giant decision. No, you may not think that it's the right decision. And sometimes, you have to make a few mistakes before you can have something that is right. I made a decision that changed my life. It wasn't fun, and my heart still has to recover. If it ever does… But this decision could be one of those mistakes that has to be fixed. Honestly, I'm not really sure what it is…
~StoryBubbles