The Life of a Teenage Drama Queen

It is because of this day that my life changed forever. Yes, if you’re wondering, I still love you. I still have the strongest feelings towards you today as I did 2 years ago on this very date. Yes, I understand that you have moved on but I have to say that I haven’t. Yet. I still look for the day when I will finally hear from you, but it is days like this that I think that day will never come.

I sat around all day, moping around, having people wonder about my mental health. However, I told them I was okay, but was I really? I don’t know. What I do know is that I have not stopped thinking about you all day. School was dreadful, almost like fate wanted us to speak. I caught you in my sight at various times of the day, which made me miss you even more than usual. The way you used to tell me good morning, and the way you used to tell me to have a good day before you went off to class. Oh, how I miss those days.

            I worked up enough courage to drive by your house, where we spent so much time together. I drove to your grandparents and actually went inside the house, since it had been so long since I had even spoken to them. There are so many pictures of you as a child, and looking at them made me smile. I remember the very first time I went into that house and seeing all the pictures of you. I remember making fun of you until your face turned red. I miss that.

            I sat down and talked to your grandparents, talking to them just as if we were still together. They still treated me like I was still with their grandson, making me laugh and smile and feel like I was right at home. I’ve missed them so much. I still remember going to their house every time we got bored at your house or just felt like going down there to spend time with them. I remember all the scares we had with both of their health issues. I remember you being so scared, and I was too. They are like my grandparents.

            I spoke with them, mostly about what had happened in their lives recently. They asked me about mine. I obviously didn’t want to say I still loved you, because I know it is inappropriate towards your new girlfriend. I would never put your grandparents in that kind of situation of knowing my feelings. They spoke to me as if it had been forever since they had seen me, when it has only been about 10 months. Now that I think about it that is quite a long time. Your grandpa is still one of my favorite people on this planet. He knows how to make me laugh. I’ve missed every thing about my life with you.

            Your aunt came in, after a while of me being in the house. I wanted so badly for it to be you who walked through the door, as you had many times when we were together. She spoke of you, which made my smile light up. She spoke of your interests in the military, and other career interests that I had already heard about from you those 6 months ago. She asked me what I thought. So I gave my answer by saying that you going away into a complete war zone scared me. You have no idea how badly it scares me to know that you will soon be put into harms way, and I cannot do anything about it. You will never know how terrified I am to see you go away from this place forever and know that you might never come back.

            I tried not to show my feelings too much, by then saying that I supported your decision since the first time you told me. When you first told me, I was still scared, and really didn’t want you to go through with it. But now, I see that you are completely serious. I understand that you are ready to do what you want to do, and because of that, I am proud of you. You are one of the most hard-working people I know. You would work your butt off for anyone who asked. I hope your girlfriend knows that you will take care of her, like you took care of me.

            Your aunt made it clear that she was nervous for you because of your chosen career path. However, I said that you were always hardheaded and would always work until you got what you wanted. She laughed. All of them laughed. How I’ve missed having dinner with everyone and laughing at all the crazy comments from your loving family.

            I didn’t want to leave, but I knew you weren’t going to walk through the door, and I had to realize that. I’ve wished so hard that I would be able to speak to you. You have no idea how bad it hurts to see you happy with someone else. But, I must realize that it is not me who you want anymore. I am nothing but a fading memory in the back of your mind. However, I do hope that one day our paths will cross again and we can be reunited like in one of those sappy love movies (like the ones I used to force you to watch with me). I just hope that you haven’t forgotten about me, because I definitely haven’t forgotten about you. I haven’t forgotten about all we went through. I haven’t forgotten our laughs, our cries, our smiles, and our memories. I will cherish them all forever. You will forever be my first, and only, love.