The Life of a Teenage Drama Queen

             It's funny, to think that a year ago at this very point in time, you wanted me. It's funny how much a year can change a person. It's hard to look at someone else thriving with positivity, and look at your life and cry because of the way it has turned out. Honestly, it is unfair. It is because of these events that have made me look back and see what I have destroyed. What I have lost. What could've been. Anxiety seems to be my best friend lately. It's hard to get rid of something that will always be there. It seems that the only thing I have to work towards is school and just getting through. Honestly, giving up all these things can destroy a confidence level. A confidence level that has never been there. Well, its a level that has been nonexistent for awhile. A break from life is something that I need. I break from the world. A break from society. A break from everything, so that I can focus on just me and where I'm going. Happiness is what I strive for, because it has been absent for so long. Happiness is what I'm searching for. However, the hunt has been difficult. Looking around, there is so much happiness. But for me, I'm the one standing alone in the corner while everyone else is living their lives. This is the today where everything is erased and everything is new. No memories. No loss. No hurt. No heartbreak. No happiness until now.

             Well, have I got a story for you. You know that boy, the one that you've been in love with since the fourth grade? He made you happy. Really happy. You were so happy with him, and you literally messed it all up. Honestly, if I were still you today, I would've went back and stopped that fight that night and went back. But anyway, all that happiness sure did fade away. It was because of the future you that created all this unhappiness. While you were on cloud 9, I was pretty much planning a future without him. A future for you to be alone and sad all the time. Having him as your "therapist" and friend instead of your best friend and love.
               I could tell you all the mistakes that you're gonna make because it would save you the pain. You may think that you will last forever, but you won't. Soon enough, you will be the depression ridden, lonely one crying behind a computer screen because you have no one else to turn to. You'll be the one watching him be happy, practically married to the love of his life. You'll be the one rejected and mocked. You'll be the one who's unhappy with every life decision that she's ever made. And you'll still have to get up, go to school, and see him on a daily basis.
                You'll sit there in the quietness of class, and wonder what it could've been like, had something not happened. You'll sit at the baseball games and watch her cheer for him, and think about how it was after the games. How nice it was to see him after the game and be there when he put himself down. You'll have to sit there and look at the promise ring that he has already given her, when you never got one. You will be the mistake and she will be the one.
              You'll have to just be the "ex" instead of the future. You'll have to cry alone, without being able to tell anyone. You'll miss him so badly that every bone in your body will ache. You'll be told that he'll come back for you, but in reality you know he won't. You'll have nights where all you want to do is tell him how bad your day was, but you can't because he won't care. You'll listen to your song on repeat for days until you have to stop. You'll have the memory of his existence in your mind forever. You'll have to face the fact that he chose her and not you and that he's happy.
              So, you've had a few bad years. Pure happiness, followed by heartbreak, followed by misery. Just be with him and be happy before it all goes to hell and you're left with nothing. If I could go back, I'd make it easier for you. But I can't. You're gonna change. You're gonna be hurt. And you're gonna hate everything. Just be happy before it all happens.