About Me
Sunday, April 17, 2016
Dear You,
I know you're probably looking back at me and thinking, "What the actual hell are you doing?" I know that I am probably making one of the biggest mistakes of my life, but you know, there was a lot of things that led to this. You of all people should know that. You know everything that's going to happen, and it'll more than likely end up exactly like it did before (hence the word 'before'). However, right now, I'm taking this one day at a time and today was a day that I was happy, rather than stressed about what excuse I would be using.
Friday, April 8, 2016
You know exactly who you are, so I'm sure I won't have to spell it out. First of all, congratulations. You won, and I lost. But that's the point of the game. There has to be a winner and a loser. There is no overtime or extra innings. He chose you, not me. It is about time that you start getting that in your head. Look, you're the one that gets to hold his hand. The one who tries to make him laugh when he's upset. The one that gets to look at his beautiful face every single day. You have definitely gotten farther in a few months that what I did in a year. You know this, so I ask, why must you be so mean? You sit only two people away from where I am and decide to talk about me. You decide to tell the others how much of a crazy person I am for loving him. However, the story is different. Your story criticizes me, but if they knew the truth about how you played me in your hands to get him. It's honestly not fair. I always thought that cheaters never win? Not the situation here.
However, I wrote this asking you to please be more considerate of me. I know you dislike me, for reasons known I suppose. It's okay for you to dislike me, but to sit there and talk about that in front of people who I see everyday is not okay. I'm not okay, and I am a tough person when it comes to things like being talked about. I don't hate you, and I would treat you like any other person if you showed me the same gratitude. I honestly don't want to have to listen to you talk about him. I know that you're just doing that to try and make me know that he's yours. I know that you want me to break. Well, congratulations. You did it. You broke me. You win. You win everything. You have everything and more that I wish I could have.
However, I wrote this asking you to please be more considerate of me. I know you dislike me, for reasons known I suppose. It's okay for you to dislike me, but to sit there and talk about that in front of people who I see everyday is not okay. I'm not okay, and I am a tough person when it comes to things like being talked about. I don't hate you, and I would treat you like any other person if you showed me the same gratitude. I honestly don't want to have to listen to you talk about him. I know that you're just doing that to try and make me know that he's yours. I know that you want me to break. Well, congratulations. You did it. You broke me. You win. You win everything. You have everything and more that I wish I could have.
Monday, March 21, 2016
It's funny, to think that a year ago at this very point in time, you wanted me. It's funny how much a year can change a person. It's hard to look at someone else thriving with positivity, and look at your life and cry because of the way it has turned out. Honestly, it is unfair. It is because of these events that have made me look back and see what I have destroyed. What I have lost. What could've been. Anxiety seems to be my best friend lately. It's hard to get rid of something that will always be there. It seems that the only thing I have to work towards is school and just getting through. Honestly, giving up all these things can destroy a confidence level. A confidence level that has never been there. Well, its a level that has been nonexistent for awhile. A break from life is something that I need. I break from the world. A break from society. A break from everything, so that I can focus on just me and where I'm going. Happiness is what I strive for, because it has been absent for so long. Happiness is what I'm searching for. However, the hunt has been difficult. Looking around, there is so much happiness. But for me, I'm the one standing alone in the corner while everyone else is living their lives. This is the today where everything is erased and everything is new. No memories. No loss. No hurt. No heartbreak. No happiness until now.
Sunday, March 20, 2016
Well, have I got a story for you. You know that boy, the one that you've been in love with since the fourth grade? He made you happy. Really happy. You were so happy with him, and you literally messed it all up. Honestly, if I were still you today, I would've went back and stopped that fight that night and went back. But anyway, all that happiness sure did fade away. It was because of the future you that created all this unhappiness. While you were on cloud 9, I was pretty much planning a future without him. A future for you to be alone and sad all the time. Having him as your "therapist" and friend instead of your best friend and love.
I could tell you all the mistakes that you're gonna make because it would save you the pain. You may think that you will last forever, but you won't. Soon enough, you will be the depression ridden, lonely one crying behind a computer screen because you have no one else to turn to. You'll be the one watching him be happy, practically married to the love of his life. You'll be the one rejected and mocked. You'll be the one who's unhappy with every life decision that she's ever made. And you'll still have to get up, go to school, and see him on a daily basis.
You'll sit there in the quietness of class, and wonder what it could've been like, had something not happened. You'll sit at the baseball games and watch her cheer for him, and think about how it was after the games. How nice it was to see him after the game and be there when he put himself down. You'll have to sit there and look at the promise ring that he has already given her, when you never got one. You will be the mistake and she will be the one.
You'll have to just be the "ex" instead of the future. You'll have to cry alone, without being able to tell anyone. You'll miss him so badly that every bone in your body will ache. You'll be told that he'll come back for you, but in reality you know he won't. You'll have nights where all you want to do is tell him how bad your day was, but you can't because he won't care. You'll listen to your song on repeat for days until you have to stop. You'll have the memory of his existence in your mind forever. You'll have to face the fact that he chose her and not you and that he's happy.
So, you've had a few bad years. Pure happiness, followed by heartbreak, followed by misery. Just be with him and be happy before it all goes to hell and you're left with nothing. If I could go back, I'd make it easier for you. But I can't. You're gonna change. You're gonna be hurt. And you're gonna hate everything. Just be happy before it all happens.
I could tell you all the mistakes that you're gonna make because it would save you the pain. You may think that you will last forever, but you won't. Soon enough, you will be the depression ridden, lonely one crying behind a computer screen because you have no one else to turn to. You'll be the one watching him be happy, practically married to the love of his life. You'll be the one rejected and mocked. You'll be the one who's unhappy with every life decision that she's ever made. And you'll still have to get up, go to school, and see him on a daily basis.
You'll sit there in the quietness of class, and wonder what it could've been like, had something not happened. You'll sit at the baseball games and watch her cheer for him, and think about how it was after the games. How nice it was to see him after the game and be there when he put himself down. You'll have to sit there and look at the promise ring that he has already given her, when you never got one. You will be the mistake and she will be the one.
You'll have to just be the "ex" instead of the future. You'll have to cry alone, without being able to tell anyone. You'll miss him so badly that every bone in your body will ache. You'll be told that he'll come back for you, but in reality you know he won't. You'll have nights where all you want to do is tell him how bad your day was, but you can't because he won't care. You'll listen to your song on repeat for days until you have to stop. You'll have the memory of his existence in your mind forever. You'll have to face the fact that he chose her and not you and that he's happy.
So, you've had a few bad years. Pure happiness, followed by heartbreak, followed by misery. Just be with him and be happy before it all goes to hell and you're left with nothing. If I could go back, I'd make it easier for you. But I can't. You're gonna change. You're gonna be hurt. And you're gonna hate everything. Just be happy before it all happens.
Sunday, February 28, 2016
Dear You,
You know who you are, or at least I hope you do. You have no idea how much you have influenced my life for the better. I find myself falling for you over and over, even since my tiny crush on you from sixth grade. However, being the gullible one, I fell for you when i received a message from you saying how must you still liked me. You said all the right things, about your feelings and what you have wanted since the end of freshman year. The funny thing is, I believed every little word. You're perfect in my book, but I can't have you, even though we both want each other.
It's a complicated situation, but I feel like it could've been avoided if you would have waited. This hurt could have been avoided if you would have not been bothered by telling another girl your feelings. Instead, you told me that as soon as she was uninterested and left you, that you would come for me. I find this unfair to both of us. This situation is all too familiar to me, but I was the instigator back then. Having two people want you at the same time is great, but you never know when the other will find out. So, I left. Hoping you would choose me. But you didn't. You chose her, and all your imaginary feelings you have towards her.
Maybe one day, you will choose me. Because in the words of Taylor Swift, I'm the one who understands you. I just hope you realize it before I decide to move on with my life and leave you behind. I really hope I don't have to do that because I want you in my life for a long time.
It's a complicated situation, but I feel like it could've been avoided if you would have waited. This hurt could have been avoided if you would have not been bothered by telling another girl your feelings. Instead, you told me that as soon as she was uninterested and left you, that you would come for me. I find this unfair to both of us. This situation is all too familiar to me, but I was the instigator back then. Having two people want you at the same time is great, but you never know when the other will find out. So, I left. Hoping you would choose me. But you didn't. You chose her, and all your imaginary feelings you have towards her.
Maybe one day, you will choose me. Because in the words of Taylor Swift, I'm the one who understands you. I just hope you realize it before I decide to move on with my life and leave you behind. I really hope I don't have to do that because I want you in my life for a long time.
Saturday, February 6, 2016
Dear You,
Loving you was one of the greatest times of my life. You have always been there for me, and you still continue to be there for me. I know you still care, and I love that we can still be the best friends, even after the hell we went through together. I want to say thank you. Thank you for everything. You have shown me what a real man actually is. I know that I can come to you if I ever need any advice and you are more than happy to help. So thank you, for showing me that I'm not just another chapter in your life. Thank you for being my best friend.
Sunday, January 17, 2016
There has not been a day go by that I haven't thought about you. Your smile, your laugh, your personality. Maybe I can't say I'm in love with you, but maybe love is something that comes next. We've both been in love with different people, but they were the wrong people. You talk to me as if you've known me forever, when in reality, we've only been around each other for the past six months. I want to ask you about us so badly, but I do not want to hear a negative answer. Perhaps that is why I haven't made any further advances. This is the one thing that I want, to talk to you everyday. I look forward to talking to you everyday. I want you. But, I want you to want me too.
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